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Friday, 19 November 2010

Loving 1-liners from Mr. R. jhunjhunwala to Rajdeep Sardesai

How vocaly belligerent and attacking a person can be without usng abusive language at all ?

This started with an unwanted , hypocritical tweet on twitter from @sardesairajdeep to Mr. @jhunjhunwala on #barkhagate issue and that is

@jhunjhunwala i think you should stop misusing twitter to spill out bile. get a life


After that following are the replies of Mr. @jhunjhunwala to @sardesairajdeep

@sardesairajdeep I don't need twitter advice from a guy who logs in for just a few minutes everyday for the sake of promoting his Shows.

@sardesairajdeep And if you or anyone else has a problem with what I have to say then you can pucker up and KISS MY ASS.

@sardesairajdeep Or is it that you've got your ass punted out so many times by Arnab Goswami that all of a sudden you like Barkha Dutt .

@sardesairajdeep You don't have the balls to cover Barkha's tapes on your channel but when I tweet about it you have a problem.

@sardesairajdeep Also you don't EVER tell me what to tweet.This is the Internet.Its for adults.You can stick with your PG rated programs.

@sardesairajdeep Moreover,you may be this big hot shot journalist but that means SHIT to me.I'm not scared of your chicken shit ass.

@sardesairajdeep You can meet me on the street.I will beat your ass till all that hair turns white and your body dehydrates into fish food.

@sardesairajdeep You are like the preacher who buggers the altar boy in the vestry and then rages against gays in his Sunday sermon.

@sardesairajdeep Here's the thing SHITHEAD - Are you protecting Barkha because you too have links with Nira Radia?

@sardesairajdeep And if you even try to block me,I'll show up at your Headquarters.Scream this into your head & then WHOOP YOUR ASS.

@sardesairajdeep Come to Mumbai,I'll give you 1 tight slap.All your shaan patti will come out.

@sardesairajdeep The only reason you even went to Network 18 was because you were too stupid to Take Barkha's top position at NDTV.

Oye! @sardesairajdeep .Bhaag gaye kya? Where are you.


Looks like that Chicken Shit Rajdeep Sardesai has disappeared.Fine,I'll kick his ass later.See you folks later :D & 3...2...1....OUT

Note: @sardesairajdeep is known news anchor in CNN IBN and @jhunjhunwala is  comical fake profile of a well known billionaire investor.

link is here http://twitter.com/jhunjhunwala

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Great Story of Wilma Rudolph from a paralytic woman to the fastest woman

Wilma Rudolph was born into a poor home in Tennessee. At age four, she had double
pneumonia with scarlet fever, a deadly combination which left her paralyzed with polio.
She had to wear a brace and the doctor said she would never put her foot on the earth.
But her mother encouraged her; she told Wilma that with God-given ability, persistence
and faith she could do anything she wanted. Wilma said, "I want to be the fastest woman
on the track on this earth." At the age of nine, against the advice of the doctors, she
removed the brace and took the first step the doctors had said she never would. At the
age of 13, she entered her first race and came way, way last. And then she entered her
second, and third and fourth and came way, way last until a day came when she came in
first.

At the age of 15 she went to Tennessee State University where she met a coach by the
name of Ed Temple. She told him, "I want to be the fastest woman on the track on this
earth." Temple said, "With your spirit nobody can stop you and besides, I will help you."
The day came when she was at the Olympics and at the Olympics you are matched with
the best of the best. Wilma was matched against a woman named Jutta Heine who had

never been beaten. The first event was the 100-meter race. Wilma beat Jutta Heine and
won her first gold medal. The second event was the 200-meter race and Wilma beat
Jutta a second time and won her second gold medal. The third event was the 400-meter
relay and she was racing against Jutta one more time. In the relay, the fastest person
always runs the last lap and they both anchored their teams. The first three people ran
and changed the baton easily. When it came to Wilma's turn, she dropped the baton. But
Wilma saw Jutta shoot up at the other end; she picked the baton, ran like a machine,
beat Jutta a third time and won her third gold medal. It became history: That a paralytic
woman became the fastest woman on this earth at the 1960 Olympics.

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Inspirational winners who won even after losing

1.  Olympics is a lifetime event. Lawrence Lemieux stopped racing in a yacht race to help a fellow competitor who was in trouble. The whole world was watching. His priority of safety for other people's lives was greater than his desire to win. Even though he did not win the race, he was a winner. He was honored by kings and queens all over the world because he kept the spirit of the Olympics alive.

2.   It's story about Reuben Gonzales when he was in the final match of the racquetball tournament. This was an important event and he was playing for the world title. In the final game at match point, Gonzales played a super shot to save point. The referee and the linesman both confirmed that the shot was good and he was declared the winner,but Gonzales, after a little pause and hesitation, turned back to shake his opponent's hand and said, "The shot was faulty." As a result, he lost the serve and eventually, lost the match.Everyone was stunned. Who could imagine that a player with everything officially in his favor, with winning in his pocket, would disqualify himself and lose. When asked why he did it, Gonzales replied, "It was the only thing to do in order to maintain my integrity." He lost the match, yet he was a winner.

Monday, 4 October 2010

Do you know Dr. Abdul Kalam Azad?


I must say Suresh Kalmadi either has great general knowledge or a great power especially provided to him by almighty God and that power is to give birth to a new legend of India called Dr. Abdul Kalam Azad .Last night during Common wealth games 2010 opening ceremony at commencement of his speech he said Honorable Ex-President of India Dr. Abdul Kalam Azad….  Do anyone of you know who this man is whom Kalmadi thanked. I think he blended names of two legends of India, first Maulana Abul Kalam Azad and second Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam. This is problem with incompetent Babus and politicians of India. The general knowledge of these people is much lesser than a class 8th student. I can guarantee if we take a G.K test of politicians, we will get many more funny surprises.
                               How can one make such a colossal mistake during such a grand show which was being telecasted in more than 120 countries? I am sure very few people in India who were watching the show and who do understand English, might have taken cognizance of this mistake of Kalmadi. I wonder what might have been reaction of our Missile Man and Ex-President Dr.  Kalam.  He is such a nice personality but if someone refer to him with a wrong name at such big moment, he too might feel sad. Wish that fucking guy called Kalmadi issue a public apology to our Ex-President Dr. Kalam for mistake he committed in opening ceremony.

Other than this I really liked everything in CWG ceremony. Great blend of ancient India and modern India, great creativity. That Mehndi show, Yoga show, Gandhi G’s depiction, A. R Rahman show and that little Keshav show were great. Thanks to Prasun Joshi, Shyam Benegal, and all those volunteers who made possible the last night show and who didn’t charge a penny for their efforts.   

Saturday, 25 September 2010

A secret conversation between Indradev and Suresh Kalmadi on Common wealth games

ये बारिश के देवता इंद्र और करप्शन के देवता श्री श्री 420 सुरेश कलमाड़ी के बीच स्वर्ग मे हुई बातचीत के कुछ अंश है.ये एक काल्पनिक-कम-वास्तविक घटना है.

{

कलमाड़ी ललित मोदी के 80 करोड़ ( जो उसने IPL मे कमाया था) के जेट विमान से इंद्रलोक मे गये है और 2- G सिम वाला मोबाइल है. जो A. Raja से गिफ्ट मे मिला है. वो इंद्रदेव से कुछ प्रार्थना करने गये है, राष्ट्रमंडल खेलो के लिए......

}


 कलमाडी (फोन पर) :: :Every thing will be great , every thing will be world class....... we will do it. definitely we will do it. These games will be better than any previous games even Beijing Olympics...



इन्द्रदेवअरे सुरेश आओ - आओ ! वाह काफ़ी अच्छे कपड़े पहन रखे हैकुछ खास बात ?
कलमाड़ी:धन्यवाद प्रभु. बस ओपनिंग सेरेमनी मे कौन सा सूट अच्छा लगेगा उसी का टेस्ट कर रहा हूँ

इन्द्रदेवअच्छा ! वैसे पगड़ी मे बिल्कुल शेर लग रहे हो..
कलमाड़ी : lol,...हे प्रभु ! आशा करता हूँ की आप मेरी मदद करेंगे .

इन्द्रदेव : बोलो वत्स सुरेश,कैसे आना हुआ.?
कलमाड़ीबस प्रभु कुछ समस्या गयी है.

इन्द्रदेवकहो ! झुनझुनवाला से कोई समस्या है क्या ? अभी उसे ठीक करता हूँ. ट्विटर पे बहुत मज़ाक उड़ाता है तुम जैसे अच्छे लॉगों का! रवीन्द्र जडेजा ,हरमन बावेजा ,डिनो मारिया तो उसके मज़ाक से परेशान हो गये हैं अभी कल ही हरमन का फोन आया था मदद के लिए...

कलमाड़ी : अरे नही प्रभु वो लोगों का मनोरंजन करता है बस !! मॅ ये कहना आया हूँ की अगले 20 दिन तक अपनी बेमौसम के बारिश की आदत पर ज़रा कंट्रोल रखिएगा!

इन्द्रदेव : क्यों वत्स? धरती पर पानी की जरूरत नही रह गयी क्या?
कलमाड़ी : नही प्रभु. ऐसी बात नही है. अगर पानी नही होगा तो बियर कैसे बनेगी, दारू कैसे बनेगी. मेरे जैसे पैसे वाले और अमीर लोग पार्टी कैसे करेंगे. पानी तो बहुत ज़रूरी है हम मनुष्यो के लिए.

इन्द्रदेव : तब बारिश क्यों नही चाहिए ?
कलमाड़ी :प्रभु मैं दिल्ली मे राष्ट्रमंडल खेल करा रहा हूँ ना ! बड़े बड़े देशों जैसे हॉंडरस , केन्या, ज़िम्बावे , ग्वाटेमाला के टॉप खिलाड़ी रहे है.. इतनी मेहनत की है उसके लिए पिछले 7 सालो मे, दिन-रात एक कर दिया है. बारिश होगी तो मेरी मेहनत पे पानी फिर जाएगा.

इन्द्रदेव(सहयोगी से): सोच रहा है मॅ टीवी नही देखता !

इन्द्रदेव: अच्छा तभी तुमने दिल्ली को हडप्पा की खुदाई की तरह खोद रखा है... सुरेश तो तुम नही चाहते की मॅ तेरी मेहनत पर पानी फेर दूं .
कलमाड़ी: हाँ प्रभु आप तो अंतर्यामी हो.

इन्द्रदेव: बदले मे मुझे क्या मिलेगा ?
कलमाड़ी: कैसी बात करते है प्रभु ?

इन्द्रदेव: अरे वही जो तुम पिछले 7 सालों से कर रहे हो देश विदेश चारो ओर. सुना है काफ़ी माल कमाया है
कलमाड़ी : अरे प्रभु ऐसी बात नही है. ये सब तो न्यूज़ चॅनेल वालो की बकवास बातें है. वो क्या नाम है उसका हाँ बरखा-सरखा राजदीप और....एक और है मुहफट उसका नाम मॅ नही लेना चाहता.

इन्द्रदेव: कही तुम अर्नब गोस्वामी की बात तो नही कर रहे हो ?
कलमाड़ी: आपको कैसे पता प्रभु , उसने आपकी भी ली है क्या ?

इन्द्रदेव : क्या ????
कलमाड़ी : नाराज़ मत हो प्रभु, मेरा मतलब उसने कभी आपका भी इंटरव्यू लिया है क्या ?

इन्द्रदेव: नही एक दिन नारद मुनि का इंटरव्यू ले रहा था..तब से उससे भागता फिर रहा हूँ. बस उसे यहीं से टीवी पर देखता हूँ 9 बजे रात मे कान मे रूई डालकर...
कलमाड़ी: ओके प्रभु , भगवान करे की वो आप तक ना पहुँच पाए. बस आप मेरी मदद कर दो!

इन्द्रदेव: ज़रूर , अब इतनी दूर आए हो तो कुछ खा पी लो. तब जाना.
कलमाड़ी : जी अगर खाएँगे नही तो कम कैसे होगा. ऑर्डर करिए !!

इन्द्रदेव(नौकर से) : लाओ सर जी के लिए कुछ स्पेशल चिकन-मटेन. बियर भी.
कलमाड़ीस्पेशल चिकन- मटेन ?

.इन्द्रदेवहाँ कुछ खास लोग जैसे . राजा , ललित मोदी, तुम और वो कर्नाटक वाले रेड्डी भाई ! अब तुम लोग इतने स्पेशल हो तो खाना भी स्पेशल होगा ना. स्टॅंडर्ड तो मेनटेन करना ही पड़ेगा !!

इन्द्रदेव: और बताओ खेल की तैयारियाँ कैसी चल रही है ,सब हो गया ना.,वैसे भी तुम तो बहुत काबिल हो. पिछले 15-20 सालो से भारतीय ओलंपिक संघ के प्रमुख हो .अब अच्छा काम कर रहे होगे तभी तो इतनी दिनो से उधर जमे हो..120 करोड़ के देश मे तुमसे काबिल कोई थोड़ी ना होगा इस काम के लिए ... कहाँ तुम सांसद ओर कहाँ वो जो खेलो मे 5-10 पदक जीतने वाले खिलाड़ी........ लो नाश्ता गया. खाओ आराम से. कोई जल्दी तो नही है ?
कलमाड़ी : नही प्रभु सब लड़के लगे हुए है काम पे, 1 वो भनोट है और एक सरदार जी है. मेरा काम तो केवल खाना, घूमना और अपना फोटोशूट कराना है.

इन्द्रदेवऔर ये बी. बी. सी(बहुत बड़े चूतिया) वाले क्या दिखा रहे है, गंदे गंदे बाथरूम और थोक के भाव घूमते मच्छर!
कलमाड़ीअरे नही प्रभु मैने सोचा था की विदेशिओ को कुछ असली भारत भी दिखा दूँगा वरना वो मणि शंकर अय्येर नाराज़ हो जाएगा. शुरू से मेरे पीछे पड़ा है. पता नही मैने क्या बिगाड़ा है उसका! कहता है गेम्स की क्या ज़रूरत थी जब इतने लोग ग़रीब है. अब मैने थोड़ी ना उन्हे ग़रीब बनाया है, ये उनका बॅड लक है.. ..मुझे क्या पता था की वो इसे पसंद नही करेगा.

इन्द्रदेवजानता हूँ उसे ! हमेशा राजीव, सोनिया, राहुल गाँधी की ही तारीफ करता रहता है !
कलमाड़ीअरे प्रभु धीरे बोलिए, मैडम ने सुन लिया तो प्राब्लम हो जाएगी.

इन्द्रदेव : अच्छा ठीक है नही बोलता.....वैसे कितना खर्चा आया है गेम्स मे.?
कलमाड़ी: ज़्यादा नही मेरे हिसाब से 40000 करोड़ और सरकार के हिसाब से 50000 करोड़

इन्द्रदेव : और तेरा कितना हिस्सा है ?
कलमाड़ी: क्या मतलब ???

इन्द्रदेव: कुछ नही.. अरे वो लालू तो कह रहा था की 1 लाख करोड़ हुआ है !
कलमाड़ी : अरे वो बेयैलॅंडा (मूर्ख) आदमी है, अपना चारा वाला पैसे भी उसी मे जोड़ लिया होगा.... आप मेरी बात पे विश्वास करो बस... अब चलने का समय हो गया, मेरी बात का ध्यान रखना प्रभु. नो बारिश फॉर 15 डेज़. और अपना कमिशन बता दो, 3 दिन बाद पहुँच जाएगा.

इन्द्रदेव : ज़्यादा कुछ नही, यहाँ पुरानी अप्सराओं के डांस देखकर बोर हो गया हू, नीचे से कुछ नयी भेज देना, कॅटरीना और दूसरी दीपिका .,पेमेंट जो गेम्स से कमाया है उसी से कर देना.
कलमाड़ी : प्रभु आप महान हो !!

इन्द्रदेव : सुरेश तुम भी महान हो और ये भारतवासियों से अच्छा कौन जनता होगा...करप्ट खेलों के लिए गुड लक!!! अपने सीनियर देवताओं से प्रार्थना करता हूँ की 14 OCT तेरी आख़िरी तारीख हो.



Tuesday, 21 September 2010

What to do if time is very less for software testing

Hello folks ! I am sharing with you one of the pleasant and learning experience, I recently had with software testing. I was asked to perform testing of a web project; the problem was not the project but the time limit for testing process. Time duration was just 3 days and definitely project was not a 3 day testing project. But I took the challenge and started the testing process. My aim was first to test the most important functionality of my project and then move on to next important functionality and so on.

To decide which functionality is most important I decided to group functionality based on some criterion.

The first criterion was based on risk analysis and
  •  Which functionality will be most used by user of application?
  •  Which functionality required largest safety requirements?
  •  Malfunction of which functionality might have highest financial impact on the user?

The second criterion to group functionalities was based on discussion with developers. This criterion includes :
  • Which parts of the code are most complicated, and thus most subject to errors?
  • What according to developers are the highest risk features?
  • Which parts of the application were developed in rush or rashly

The third criterion to group functionalities was based on some prior experience of a similar sort of project. This criterion includes :
  • Which aspects of similar sort of previous projects caused problems
  • What kinds of problems would cause the most customer service complaints?

Based on all above groupings of functionalities I tested my application and the result of this testing process was really awesome. Firstly one should try not to get into situation of time deficiency, but if somehow there is time shortage the above process will give you the best outcome.In fact this process can be opted at any time whether time is less or not but if the time is short this is the best process of testing.

3 Hrs Experience at Passport office , Lucknow

I am sharing 3 hrs experiences I had when I reached Regional Passport office in Lucknow to submit my application form for a new Passport. During my 50 meter on-foot visit from Main road to the door of Passport office, I was approached by more than 20 agents ( or Dalals) asking for help .They were talking to me as a slave talks to a king, but when I said that I was there to submit online filled form, they didn't say me anything. I saw nearly 1000 persons standing in different queues for different purposes.

As I had filled form online, I was asked to go to counter 2 which was for online forms and senior citizens, I went there at 12 PM which was scheduled time for me but counter person said to wait in 10 men queue. There were some prescriptions written on a paper about what documents to attach and how to enclose them and believe me you will have to change settings of your documents if you have filled form online (so keep stapler with you).I rearranged all documents and submitted them with my original documents, after verification originals were returned to me and I was asked to move to next counter for submitting 1000 Rs, I submitted the fee and got a receipt back. That was over for me.
But what I saw during those few hours is story of every government office be it RTO office, Railway station, Banks. I saw policeman whose job was to control crowd, carrying bundles of application forms and going inside and then he submitted all those forms to counter person to check. After checking my form, counter person started to check all those forms carried out by police person and persons in queue kept waiting for their chance. There was an air force person with me who I had met within an hour of reaching there, when he submitted his form, counter person didn't ask any question and within minutes cleared his form. When I went out of office for retuning back, I met a person on auto abusing a police person very badly in Hindi because police person had taken 200 Rs from him for a simple work of correcting a single mistake in form and re-submitting form. Later I came to know that police persons who were carrying forms directly to counters were charging money to applicants ranging from 500 to 1000 and that money would have been shared between police person and counter person.

Corruption as we all know has become a toxic part of Indian society, believe me we can’t amputate it with a RTI until people found guilty are punished severely. I am planning to buy a pen camera or spy camera so that when police officials come to my house for verification and ask for bribe I could record that. I believe every one of us should have one spy camera or pen camera to make India corruption free.

Friday, 17 September 2010

DOMINATION STARTS WITH DO
Last time we decided to do are die (in 1947) , it changed the map of the world. Today we have reached an age where the eyes of the world are on us again.
So what we are going to do?
Today we are in 64th year of our independence and still we are happy being called as an ” emerging economy ” or a “potential superpower “or a “sleeping tiger “.
This must change.
It is only possible if some of us dare to be the change.
So let’s stop basking in our glorious past or day dreaming about our great future.
Let’s start by dominating today.Never blame anyone for bad things which you can turn into good, just make effort to change that thing into Good.
Be proud of Living in India and remember what Indira Gandhi had said " How can you be an Indian and not proud ?"