Monday 15 October 2018

This too shall pass

I am not going to forget this day in many years to come. I have cried and cried numerous times in 12 hours, cried like a hopeless person from whom happiness has been robbed. I hate to admit how shit emotionally weak person I have become gradually. This is not me and this is not how I ever lived my life. I am extremely ashamed of things I have done recently without thinking about repercussions. I am even more ashamed of my overthinking attitude and taking things for granted by just looking at everything from my perspective.

As I write this, I have understood the irritation I caused to few people online and offline, just by expecting them to reciprocate what I feel for them. This is not how strong people behave and being highly sentimental person has no place in modern fast life, either you change or perish. I am the only person responsible for me going through this shit phase and I will only have to change it. I need to fake being strong unless I become one. I need to fake everything as alright till the time it becomes alright.

I have no hope of turning the clock back to make everything as fun as it was. I don’t have that much energy to burn to even try that for even once. I will try hard to make things normal within myself and that will be my biggest achievement in short term. It is tough to change things consciously, which used to happen unconsciously.

Feeling like an emotional fool, I think I suck at even expressing things in writing but nonetheless, I think I have done good job above 😊. Yes, this smiley is fake but sometimes it’s better not to reveal everything. The fight of thoughts is on and I am ready to take the next blow but this time with stronger heart.

To be continued as long as fight is on …

Tuesday 2 October 2018


No, it is not cool to look dull, dejected and depressed most of the time. Do you think anyone would do it purposely just for sake of some eyeballs or empathy? There are thousands of thoughts and impulses running through a human mind every minute, can you read all those and say it’s all fake? Looking at such people only from your perspective and deriving conclusion can do more damage than the damage not bothering about the person at all will do.

Everyone has different ability to understand and deal with situations they are in. Even if two situations are exactly same for two people, their capability of tackling that can be contrastingly different in which one may succeed and other may fail. This doesn’t mean that other person who failed is sick, it only means that other person is weak and needs more support. Most of the time people learn while going through some tough situations and if they get support of someone who understands them, they feel more confident. In most of the cases dejection and anxiety arises by just not being able to share thoughts with someone he or she can trust without being judged or made fun of. Number of people who feel anxiety or depression because of not having materialistic stuffs like money must be very less. In most cases it is just the feeling of not being able to put forward their inner troubling thoughts either due to bad experience in past or they just don’t know how to put it in words.

There are many studies that have same common understanding about this mental health issue, which is not having a person who is trustworthy and is ready to listen. Though medical science is doing its job to make things easy for people suffering from hyper anxiety, it is up to real people and conversation to make things normal without swallowing tablets. As they say, Medical treatment should be last resort to any suffering condition.

Do help people around who approach you, do listen to them. Few minutes of your time can make that person’s days and weeks. If you don’t want to do it, do tell frankly rather than keeping it lingering where it gets irritating for both person. Someone has said that best way to feel better is by helping someone to uplift themselves. Helping people who are dejected just by giving them some of your time can make both people feel better.

This all sounds good but not everything is as smooth as one wants it to be. You always won’t get what you wish for, be it materialistic or emotional support. You won’t find the person who could listen to you. In such cases be prepared to fight alone the battle of thoughts, learn to divert mind, learn to love yourself. People will ignore you, they will bully and insult you, most of the times to satisfy their own ego. Just learn to get on with it as there is no alternative way. Distance yourself from people who make you uncomfortable and feel unwanted despite you being always there for them. If required, distance yourself from everyone for some time, being near to them isn't helping you any way. It is going to be really tough but no matter what, you have to get over such frivolous once sided affections. If someone has been really good to you in past and are not good now, it's not your fault if you have done nothing wrong, so stop taking blame for it on yourself and feel pity... Just move on. 

Make some commitments to yourself and try hard to reach those, it makes one feel good about oneself. There are lots and lots of amazing content over internet that can help you get out of this situation. Remember that only constant thing in life is change. Believe that tides will turn sooner or later, you just need to balance yourself during turbulent waves.

Have Completeness within yourself, lean inwards and not outwards for happiness. Remember that there is no better feeling than fighting and eventually winning a battle in which you were alone.