Sunday 15 September 2019

Fight until you perish

There are moments you realize that things are not going to get any better no matter how much you try.  The inner volcano that you are pretending to be momentary is going to stay there forever, hurting and burning you every single moment. The courage and bold face have its own limitations when you are fighting it alone. No matter how much you try to divert your mind, some way or the other you will go back in to same black hole where there seems to be no light at the end of tunnel.

There will be times you will think you have got the hold of all the troubling things and you are going to get over all those one by one, and the next moment you are hit with shit reality of your life and you are back to square one. It is a scary feeling to have every day, it is scarier than getting lost in Amazon Jungle.

No one is trained to handle this internalized annihilation of oneself. It looks so smooth from outside that not even your closed ones can realize it. The unanswered questions inside you force you to think how clueless you are about everything. The fight seems to be never ending, the hope seems to be fading and yet you try to hang on, for few people who want to see you around, who want to see you happy.

Every morning you get up with hopes of making things better and at the end you disappoint no one but yourself. This fight has no strategy, no villain, no hero, no script, all it has is you and your troubling thoughts, of present, of future.

Fight till the end, fight until you perish.