I am not going to forget this day in many years to come. I
have cried and cried numerous times in 12 hours, cried like a hopeless person from
whom happiness has been robbed. I hate to admit how shit emotionally weak
person I have become gradually. This is not me and this is not how I ever lived
my life. I am extremely ashamed of things I have done recently without thinking
about repercussions. I am even more ashamed of my overthinking attitude and taking
things for granted by just looking at everything from my perspective.
As I write this, I have understood the irritation I caused
to few people online and offline, just by expecting them to reciprocate what I feel
for them. This is not how strong people behave and being highly sentimental
person has no place in modern fast life, either you change or perish. I am the
only person responsible for me going through this shit phase and I will only
have to change it. I need to fake being strong unless I become one. I need to
fake everything as alright till the time it becomes alright.
I have no hope of turning the clock back to make everything
as fun as it was. I don’t have that much energy to burn to even try that for even once. I will try hard to make things normal within myself and that will be my
biggest achievement in short term. It is tough to change things consciously, which
used to happen unconsciously.
Feeling like an emotional fool, I think I suck at even
expressing things in writing but nonetheless, I think I have done good job above 😊. Yes, this smiley is fake but sometimes it’s better not to reveal everything.
The fight of thoughts is on and I am ready to take the next blow but this time
with stronger heart.
To be continued as long as fight is on …
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