Movie Buff Engineers

These interactions are between a developer and technical architect. Comparing them with Sarfarosh movie's Inspector Salim and ACP Rathod conversations 
 
ARCHITECT: Kaise ho developer? 
DEVELOPER: Thik hun Sir. Yeh document dene ke liye aaya thaa. 
ARCHITECT: To tum is module pe kaam nahi karoge. 
DEVELOPER: Nahi Sir 

ARCHITECT: Aur yeh aapka faislaa hai ?

DEVELOPER: Faislaa karney wala main kaun hotaa hun sir.Faislaa to aap bade log kartein hain. Ek javascript bug mere module mein nikal aataa hai, aur saarey project team mein khusar pusar shuru ho jaati hai. Aur mujhe us module se hataa diya jaataa hai. Kyun. Kyun ke main developer hun. Aur aaj aapka project crash ho jaata hai, koi kuch nahi bol rahaa.Kyun, kyun ke aap Technical Architect ho. Ek badi post pe hain. Aur kisi bade baap ke bête hain. 

ARCHITECT: Technical Architect. Badaa baap. Aap jaante hain mere pitaaji ko. Who mere pitaaji hain. Puchhiye unsey main kaise banaa Technical Architect. bataa nahi paayenge aapko. Barso se khaamosh hain. Aur woh meri bhabhi hain. Tester hain. Puchhiye unse woh kaise bani Tester.
Humdardi ke liye kah rahaa hun. Lekin aap suniye. Technical Architect banane ke liye, jee tod mehnat ki hai maine. MBA ke liye chunaa gayaa thaa. Project Manager bankar aaraam ki jindagi guzaar saktaa thaa. Lekin maine MCA chunaa. Kyun. Kyun ki har project bug free dekhnaa chaahtaa hun. Aur main yeh aapse is liye nahi kah rahaa hun ke yeh mere module ka maamlaa hai. Nahi. Yeh mere project ka mamla hai. 

DEVELOPER: mere project ka nahi hai? 

ARCHITECT: shaayad nahi hai. Isi liye aap apni jimmedariyon se bhaag rahein hain. Main is project ko apna project samajhtaa hun. Aur apnaa project bachaaney ke liye mujhe kisi developer ki jarurat nahi hai.

Few days later: ...................

ARCHITECT: Tum is module mein kya kar rahey ho Developer? 

DEVELOPER: kyun? Koi paabandi hai? Isi script ko dhundh rahey ho naa aap. Nahi mili naa. Agar mil bhi gayee to kya hoga? Aapko to bug fix karke chahiye naa? Yeh li jiye. Mil jaayegaa aaj. Database mein. Jaiye. Fix kar lijiye usko. 

ARCHITECT: Ruko Developer. Meri baat suno. 

DEVELOPER: aur kya sunayenge. Ab nahi sunugaa. De to diya aapko bug fix karkey. Aur kya chahiye. Jaaiye bachaaiye apne project ko. Ab meri kya jarurat hai.


ARCHITECT: jarurat hai Developer. Is project ko bachaaney ke liye mujhe ek nahi, 10 Developer ki jarurat hai. 

DEVELOPER: 10 nahi sir, 10 hazaar milenge. Agar aap bharosaa karenge to.
Meri baat suniye Sir. Phir kabhi kisi Developer se mat kahnaa ye project uskaa apna project nahi.


ARCHITECT: nahi kahungaa, kabhi nahi kahungaa.  

Courtesy - Some one on Gmail :)

What it takes to live away from family?

As a kid many times when our parents used to say in anger “Go away, leave my home!!”  ,we used to think ‘ let me  get bit older , I will leave your damn house’ ( and If your parents never said to you like this then surely you were one of the luckiest kids ) . Even I had such situations many times in life as I was very short tempered, though right now I am bit improved. Many times I didn’t get things which I wish I had due to a lower middle class background , I  used to go on roof and spend half night alone thinking when I would get old to leave these parents who never give me good things and always scowl me.

The afore mentioned insane thoughts can come to any kid even if you belong to a rich family. But when you actually get bit older, old enough to have a earning, you realize what it takes to get money and plan accordingly. If you are lucky enough to be brought up in metro cities and work at same place  then you might not realize what people living far away from their family realizes. If you are from north India and living in Bangalore or Chennai, sometime you will feel like living in foreign land, just because of this long distance of over 2000 KMs. It takes at least 2 months to plan a leave, forget about implementing it and planning budget. So what should one do in such situation? Of course if you are from upper middle class background or working in MNC then you can go to movies and KFBeer tweetup (sprouted from twitter) every two weeks but what if you are not earning handsomely? For me Social sites and TV are only way to time pass.

• I’ll spend most of time on Twitter / Facebook (Not Orkut at all) whenever I am using Internet (if you can make some good friends on these sites ,believe me it works tremendously )
• I’ll watch TV, news, comedy, some crap movies.
• I’ll go for a walk of 2-3 KMs in evening, not for health reasons.
• I’ll drink with some fiends and try to time pass by talking all nonveg nonsense.
• If you have girl friend then you are on bit safe side to prevent yourself from getting bored
• Better to develop a hobby even if you never had thought about that thing so far in life.

That’s all you can do I think, but if you are living with family then you might have kids around you to play with, you can spent time with relatives, parents and some local friends. Now here when I miss family and home made food, I start to think what I was thinking when I was a kid ( Yeh thoughts about leaving that damn house and all ). It takes a lot of effort to live away from family especially if you have some pecuniary constraints too.

So all kids enjoy every moment you are getting with your loved ones, you don’t know “ Kal Ghar ho na ho”  J

A Pragmatc example of DEADLOCK

During our College life we have heard of word DEADLOCK in physics ,computers and in some other subjects too .Few days back we were hearing about Parliament DEADLOCK .... but we were never given pragmatic example of DEADLOCK ......so here it s for all of you :))

From	To	Message
Boss	Secretary	For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
Secretary	Husband	For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband	Secret lover	My wife is going abroad for a week, so let’s spend the week together.
Secret lover	Small boy (whom she is giving private tuition)	I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy	Grand-father	Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Let’s spend the week together.
Grandpa ( The Boss :) )	Secretary	This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary	Husband	This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband	Secret lover	We cannot spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover	Small boy	This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy	Grandfather	Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandfather	Secretary	Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.

How to Test your Conscience and Value System ?

In 63 years of Indian Independence we have seen and heard of so many Scams but the last two years were worst on that part. Each night you watch news channel you will find likes of Arnab Goswami with a new EXPOSE .The question is what’s wrong with psyche and value system of such Indian people ? when you see our politicians living like a King but still get themselves involved in Scams, when you see IAS and IPS officers, Judges who earn quite a handsome money get themselves involved in corruption cases for more money, then what comes into your mind ? India is one of the most corrupt country in the World  Is it avoidable ? Few years back I read in a book about two tests to check your value System .I think these two tests can help a person to abstain form immoral works .

The first and main test is called the Mama (Mother) Test. Whenever you are doing, whatever you are doing wherever and with whomever, at home or at work, alone or with someone, if values are in question and you are confused,on moral ground  ask yourself "If my mama were to see me doing what I am doing right now,would she be proud of me and say " Wow , What a boy! " or would she hang her head in shame? " Your values would be clarified rather quickly. If you passed the Mama Test and failed all other tests, you have passed. If you failed the Mama Test and passed all other tests,you have failed.This is worth repeating.Think about it.

The Second Test is called the Baba Test. Whenever you are doing, whatever you are doing, wherever and with whomever, at home or at work,alone or with someone, if values are in question, ask yourself, "If my children were to see me doing what I am doing right now, would I want them to see it, or would I be embarrassed?" Again the clouds will clear rather quickly and you will get your answers.

Think once about these tests and try to implement , It has worked for me many times and  I wish if likes of A.Raja and Kalmadi could have applied these tests on themselves before looting us. If these two tests don't clarify a person's values, then that person is no longer a humanbeing and has no conscience left.

Thanks to Wonderful book  “ You Can Win “

Loving 1-liners from Mr. R. jhunjhunwala to Rajdeep Sardesai

How vocaly belligerent and attacking a person can be without usng abusive language at all ?

This started with an unwanted , hypocritical tweet on twitter from @sardesairajdeep to Mr. @jhunjhunwala on #barkhagate issue and that is

@jhunjhunwala i think you should stop misusing twitter to spill out bile. get a life


After that following are the replies of Mr. @jhunjhunwala to @sardesairajdeep

@sardesairajdeep I don't need twitter advice from a guy who logs in for just a few minutes everyday for the sake of promoting his Shows.

@sardesairajdeep And if you or anyone else has a problem with what I have to say then you can pucker up and KISS MY ASS.

@sardesairajdeep Or is it that you've got your ass punted out so many times by Arnab Goswami that all of a sudden you like Barkha Dutt .

@sardesairajdeep You don't have the balls to cover Barkha's tapes on your channel but when I tweet about it you have a problem.

@sardesairajdeep Also you don't EVER tell me what to tweet.This is the Internet.Its for adults.You can stick with your PG rated programs.

@sardesairajdeep Moreover,you may be this big hot shot journalist but that means SHIT to me.I'm not scared of your chicken shit ass.

@sardesairajdeep You can meet me on the street.I will beat your ass till all that hair turns white and your body dehydrates into fish food.

@sardesairajdeep You are like the preacher who buggers the altar boy in the vestry and then rages against gays in his Sunday sermon.

@sardesairajdeep Here's the thing SHITHEAD - Are you protecting Barkha because you too have links with Nira Radia?

@sardesairajdeep And if you even try to block me,I'll show up at your Headquarters.Scream this into your head & then WHOOP YOUR ASS.

@sardesairajdeep Come to Mumbai,I'll give you 1 tight slap.All your shaan patti will come out.

@sardesairajdeep The only reason you even went to Network 18 was because you were too stupid to Take Barkha's top position at NDTV.

Oye! @sardesairajdeep .Bhaag gaye kya? Where are you.


Looks like that Chicken Shit Rajdeep Sardesai has disappeared.Fine,I'll kick his ass later.See you folks later :D & 3...2...1....OUT

Note: @sardesairajdeep is known news anchor in CNN IBN and @jhunjhunwala is  comical fake profile of a well known billionaire investor.

link is here http://twitter.com/jhunjhunwala

Do you know Dr. Abdul Kalam Azad?

I must say Suresh Kalmadi either has great general knowledge or a great power especially provided to him by almighty God and that power is to give birth to a new legend of India called Dr. Abdul Kalam Azad .Last night during Common wealth games 2010 opening ceremony at commencement of his speech he said Honorable Ex-President of India Dr. Abdul Kalam Azad….  Do anyone of you know who this man is whom Kalmadi thanked. I think he blended names of two legends of India, first Maulana Abul Kalam Azad and second Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam. This is problem with incompetent Babus and politicians of India. The general knowledge of these people is much lesser than a class 8^th student. I can guarantee if we take a G.K test of politicians, we will get many more funny surprises.

                               How can one make such a colossal mistake during such a grand show which was being telecasted in more than 120 countries? I am sure very few people in India who were watching the show and who do understand English, might have taken cognizance of this mistake of Kalmadi. I wonder what might have been reaction of our Missile Man and Ex-President Dr.  Kalam.  He is such a nice personality but if someone refer to him with a wrong name at such big moment, he too might feel sad. Wish that fucking guy called Kalmadi issue a public apology to our Ex-President Dr. Kalam for mistake he committed in opening ceremony.

Other than this I really liked everything in CWG ceremony. Great blend of ancient India and modern India, great creativity. That Mehndi show, Yoga show, Gandhi G’s depiction, A. R Rahman show and that little Keshav show were great. Thanks to Prasun Joshi, Shyam Benegal, and all those volunteers who made possible the last night show and who didn’t charge a penny for their efforts.   

A secret conversation between Indradev and Suresh Kalmadi on Common wealth games

ये बारिश के देवता इंद्र और करप्शन के देवता श्री श्री 420 सुरेश कलमाड़ी के बीच स्वर्ग मे हुई बातचीत के कुछ अंश है.ये एक काल्पनिक-कम-वास्तविक घटना है.

{

कलमाड़ी ललित मोदी के 80 करोड़ ( जो उसने IPL मे कमाया था) के जेट विमान से इंद्रलोक मे आ गये है और 2- G सिम वाला मोबाइल है. जो A. Raja से गिफ्ट मे मिला है. वो इंद्रदेव से कुछ प्रार्थना करने गये है, राष्ट्रमंडल खेलो के लिए......

}

 कलमाडी (फोन पर) :: :Every thing will be great , every thing will be world class....... we will do it. definitely we will do it. These games will be better than any previous games even Beijing Olympics...

इन्द्रदेव : अरे सुरेश आओ - आओ ! वाह काफ़ी अच्छे कपड़े पहन रखे है. कुछ खास बात ?

कलमाड़ी:धन्यवाद प्रभु. बस ओपनिंग सेरेमनी मे कौन सा सूट अच्छा लगेगा उसी का टेस्ट कर रहा हूँ

इन्द्रदेव : अच्छा ! वैसे पगड़ी मे बिल्कुल शेर लग रहे हो..

कलमाड़ी : lol,...हे प्रभु ! आशा करता हूँ की आप मेरी मदद करेंगे .

इन्द्रदेव : बोलो वत्स सुरेश,कैसे आना हुआ.?

कलमाड़ी: बस प्रभु कुछ समस्या आ गयी है.

इन्द्रदेव : कहो ! झुनझुनवाला से कोई समस्या है क्या ? अभी उसे ठीक करता हूँ. ट्विटर पे बहुत मज़ाक उड़ाता है तुम जैसे अच्छे लॉगों का! रवीन्द्र जडेजा ,हरमन बावेजा ,डिनो मारिया तो उसके मज़ाक से परेशान हो गये हैं अभी कल ही हरमन का फोन आया था मदद के लिए...

कलमाड़ी : अरे नही प्रभु वो लोगों का मनोरंजन करता है बस !! मॅ ये कहना आया हूँ की अगले 20 दिन तक अपनी बेमौसम के बारिश की आदत पर ज़रा कंट्रोल रखिएगा!

इन्द्रदेव : क्यों वत्स? धरती पर पानी की जरूरत नही रह गयी क्या?

कलमाड़ी : नही प्रभु. ऐसी बात नही है. अगर पानी नही होगा तो बियर कैसे बनेगी, दारू कैसे बनेगी. मेरे जैसे पैसे वाले और अमीर लोग पार्टी कैसे करेंगे. पानी तो बहुत ज़रूरी है हम मनुष्यो के लिए.

इन्द्रदेव : तब बारिश क्यों नही चाहिए ?

कलमाड़ी :प्रभु मैं दिल्ली मे राष्ट्रमंडल खेल करा रहा हूँ ना ! बड़े बड़े देशों जैसे हॉंडरस , केन्या, ज़िम्बावे , ग्वाटेमाला के टॉप खिलाड़ी आ रहे है.. इतनी मेहनत की है उसके लिए पिछले 7 सालो मे, दिन-रात एक कर दिया है. बारिश होगी तो मेरी मेहनत पे पानी फिर जाएगा.

इन्द्रदेव(सहयोगी से): सोच रहा है मॅ टीवी नही देखता !

इन्द्रदेव: अच्छा तभी तुमने दिल्ली को हडप्पा की खुदाई की तरह खोद रखा है... सुरेश तो तुम नही चाहते की मॅ तेरी मेहनत पर पानी फेर दूं .

कलमाड़ी: हाँ प्रभु आप तो अंतर्यामी हो.

इन्द्रदेव: बदले मे मुझे क्या मिलेगा ?

कलमाड़ी: कैसी बात करते है प्रभु ?

इन्द्रदेव: अरे वही जो तुम पिछले 7 सालों से कर रहे हो देश विदेश चारो ओर. सुना है काफ़ी माल कमाया है

कलमाड़ी : अरे प्रभु ऐसी बात नही है. ये सब तो न्यूज़ चॅनेल वालो की बकवास बातें है. वो क्या नाम है उसका हाँ बरखा-सरखा राजदीप और....एक और है मुहफट उसका नाम मॅ नही लेना चाहता.

इन्द्रदेव: कही तुम अर्नब गोस्वामी की बात तो नही कर रहे हो ?

कलमाड़ी: आपको कैसे पता प्रभु , उसने आपकी भी ली है क्या ?

इन्द्रदेव : क्या ????

कलमाड़ी : नाराज़ मत हो प्रभु, मेरा मतलब उसने कभी आपका भी इंटरव्यू लिया है क्या ?

इन्द्रदेव: नही एक दिन नारद मुनि का इंटरव्यू ले रहा था..तब से उससे भागता फिर रहा हूँ. बस उसे यहीं से टीवी पर देखता हूँ 9 बजे रात मे कान मे रूई डालकर...

कलमाड़ी: ओके प्रभु , भगवान करे की वो आप तक ना पहुँच पाए. बस आप मेरी मदद कर दो!

इन्द्रदेव: ज़रूर , अब इतनी दूर आए हो तो कुछ खा पी लो. तब जाना.

कलमाड़ी : जी अगर खाएँगे नही तो कम कैसे होगा. ऑर्डर करिए !!

इन्द्रदेव(नौकर से) : लाओ सर जी के लिए कुछ स्पेशल चिकन-मटेन. बियर भी.

कलमाड़ी : स्पेशल चिकन- मटेन ?

.इन्द्रदेव : हाँ कुछ खास लोग जैसे ए. राजा , ललित मोदी, तुम और वो कर्नाटक वाले रेड्डी भाई ! अब तुम लोग इतने स्पेशल हो तो खाना भी स्पेशल होगा ना. स्टॅंडर्ड तो मेनटेन करना ही पड़ेगा !!

इन्द्रदेव: और बताओ खेल की तैयारियाँ कैसी चल रही है ,सब हो गया ना.,वैसे भी तुम तो बहुत काबिल हो. पिछले 15-20 सालो से भारतीय ओलंपिक संघ के प्रमुख हो .अब अच्छा काम कर रहे होगे तभी तो इतनी दिनो से उधर जमे हो..120 करोड़ के देश मे तुमसे काबिल कोई थोड़ी ना होगा इस काम के लिए ... कहाँ तुम सांसद ओर कहाँ वो जो खेलो मे 5-10 पदक जीतने वाले खिलाड़ी........ लो नाश्ता आ गया. खाओ आराम से. कोई जल्दी तो नही है ?

कलमाड़ी : नही प्रभु सब लड़के लगे हुए है काम पे, 1 वो भनोट है और एक सरदार जी है. मेरा काम तो केवल खाना, घूमना और अपना फोटोशूट कराना है.

इन्द्रदेव: और ये बी. बी. सी(बहुत बड़े चूतिया) वाले क्या दिखा रहे है, गंदे गंदे बाथरूम और थोक के भाव घूमते मच्छर!

कलमाड़ी: अरे नही प्रभु मैने सोचा था की विदेशिओ को कुछ असली भारत भी दिखा दूँगा वरना वो मणि शंकर अय्येर नाराज़ हो जाएगा. शुरू से मेरे पीछे पड़ा है. पता नही मैने क्या बिगाड़ा है उसका! कहता है गेम्स की क्या ज़रूरत थी जब इतने लोग ग़रीब है. अब मैने थोड़ी ना उन्हे ग़रीब बनाया है, ये उनका बॅड लक है.. ..मुझे क्या पता था की वो इसे पसंद नही करेगा.

इन्द्रदेव: जानता हूँ उसे ! हमेशा राजीव, सोनिया, राहुल गाँधी की ही तारीफ करता रहता है !

कलमाड़ी : अरे प्रभु धीरे बोलिए, मैडम ने सुन लिया तो प्राब्लम हो जाएगी.

इन्द्रदेव : अच्छा ठीक है नही बोलता.....वैसे कितना खर्चा आया है गेम्स मे.?

कलमाड़ी: ज़्यादा नही मेरे हिसाब से 40000 करोड़ और सरकार के हिसाब से 50000 करोड़

इन्द्रदेव : और तेरा कितना हिस्सा है ?

कलमाड़ी: क्या मतलब ???

इन्द्रदेव: कुछ नही.. अरे वो लालू तो कह रहा था की 1 लाख करोड़ हुआ है !

कलमाड़ी : अरे वो बेयैलॅंडा (मूर्ख) आदमी है, अपना चारा वाला पैसे भी उसी मे जोड़ लिया होगा.... आप मेरी बात पे विश्‍वास करो बस... अब चलने का समय हो गया, मेरी बात का ध्यान रखना प्रभु. नो बारिश फॉर 15 डेज़. और अपना कमिशन बता दो, 3 दिन बाद पहुँच जाएगा.

इन्द्रदेव : ज़्यादा कुछ नही, यहाँ पुरानी अप्सराओं के डांस देखकर बोर हो गया हू, नीचे से कुछ नयी भेज देना, कॅटरीना और दूसरी दीपिका .,पेमेंट जो गेम्स से कमाया है उसी से कर देना.

कलमाड़ी : प्रभु आप महान हो !!

इन्द्रदेव : सुरेश तुम भी महान हो और ये भारतवासियों से अच्छा कौन जनता होगा...करप्ट खेलों के लिए गुड लक!!! अपने सीनियर देवताओं से प्रार्थना करता हूँ की 14 OCT तेरी आख़िरी तारीख हो.