Words can’t do justice to high octane impulses running
inside me, it seems like even words are hell-bent to betray me. I am still not
able to come in terms with “enough is enough”. Where did it all go wrong or maybe
it was never right at first place, everything was just an illusion, a web of fantastic
imaginations inside my mind.
I have tried everything under the sun to mend this unluckily
broken piece of “Knowing each other well”, from being apologetic every time
something went wrong even if solely not because of me, to making myself available
when I could have made things easier. I have been submissive, taken all insults
like it was meant to be good for me in hindsight and no it is not called self-pity,
it is called valuing the comradery over personal feelings. I have backed out
when I thought that was the best way possible, forced myself to silence when I didn’t
want to deteriorate things any further.
I am running out of excuses to make myself believe that
things can still be done to make everything better, even if just not as good as
earlier. I never expected too much, never had any hidden motto. Everything was
just as casual as it should have been, wonder what made it to be perceived so
differently.
It’s not what happened that puzzles me, it’s why it happened
that makes me anxious. I wish I knew when it all started to go wrong, I would
have done everything to bring it on track but maybe it is too late now. I have mere
words to try to put forward things going inside me, I wish I could project everything
going inside me on a paper, all the guilt, the deceptions, the helplessness, the
affection and honest respect that can never be erased.
The worst distance between 2 people is misunderstanding and there is no unit to measure it than just to realize it.
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