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Monday 15 October 2018

This too shall pass

I am not going to forget this day in many years to come. I have cried and cried numerous times in 12 hours, cried like a hopeless person from whom happiness has been robbed. I hate to admit how shit emotionally weak person I have become gradually. This is not me and this is not how I ever lived my life. I am extremely ashamed of things I have done recently without thinking about repercussions. I am even more ashamed of my overthinking attitude and taking things for granted by just looking at everything from my perspective.

As I write this, I have understood the irritation I caused to few people online and offline, just by expecting them to reciprocate what I feel for them. This is not how strong people behave and being highly sentimental person has no place in modern fast life, either you change or perish. I am the only person responsible for me going through this shit phase and I will only have to change it. I need to fake being strong unless I become one. I need to fake everything as alright till the time it becomes alright.

I have no hope of turning the clock back to make everything as fun as it was. I don’t have that much energy to burn to even try that for even once. I will try hard to make things normal within myself and that will be my biggest achievement in short term. It is tough to change things consciously, which used to happen unconsciously.

Feeling like an emotional fool, I think I suck at even expressing things in writing but nonetheless, I think I have done good job above 😊. Yes, this smiley is fake but sometimes it’s better not to reveal everything. The fight of thoughts is on and I am ready to take the next blow but this time with stronger heart.

To be continued as long as fight is on …

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